Numbers 30:1-8, “Moses spoke to the heads
of the tribes of the people of Israel, saying, "This is what the LORD has
commanded. (2) If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an
oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do
according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. (3)
"If a woman vows a vow to the LORD and binds herself by a pledge,
while within her father's house in her youth,
(4) and her father hears of her
vow and of her pledge by which she has bound herself and says nothing to her,
then all her vows shall stand, and every pledge by which she has bound herself
shall stand. (5) But if her father opposes her on the day that
he hears of it, no vow of hers, no pledge by which she has bound herself shall
stand. And the LORD will forgive her, because her father opposed her. (6)
"If she marries a husband, while under her vows or any thoughtless
utterance of her lips by which she has bound herself, (7)
and her husband hears of it and says nothing to her on the day that he
hears, then her vows shall stand, and her pledges by which she has bound
herself shall stand. (8) But if, on the day that her husband comes to
hear of it, he opposes her, then he makes void her vow that was on her, and the
thoughtless utterance of her lips by which she bound herself. And the LORD will
forgive her.”
In our present day and age, this chapter is controversial and many
would frown upon it, see it as oppressive and as promoting the view that men
are superior to women. So would that objection and view be valid? If this
chapter is understood within the bounds of Scripture, then no, there is no
grounds for such an objection. Of course it is within our human ability to
twist words so that they will say what we want them to. Unfortunately, the
Bible is not immune to this, and thus some might do so with this passage in
order to prove their point.
What then is this passage teaching?
This chapter is dealing with issues of authority, truthfulness,
faithfulness, accountability, responsibility and the protection of both
marriage and the family. There was a time when a person’s words were seen and
regarded as binding, but sadly this is no longer the case. We all know the pain
that comes when promises that have been made to us are broken, and we have
broken promises we have made to others. A person’s words are now treated with
suspicion, and we seldom take people at their word.
The first truth that Numbers 30 teaches us, is that we are to be
people who keep their word. Christ taught us in the Sermon on the Mount that our
yes should be yes and our no, no. We need to be people who speak the truth and
who are faithful to what they promise, who take responsibility for what they say.
We are not to make false promises, or commit to something which is beyond our
ability to fulfil.
Secondly, Numbers 30 helps us to understand how this matter of vows
and promises should work itself out within the family unit and within marriage.
The family unit is dealt with first, although the principle taught applies also
to marriage. The principle is this, the father is viewed as the head of the
home, the head of the family, and the head within the marriage. This is a truth
established by God at creation. It is important to understand this has nothing
to do with levels of equality or superiority, rather it is concerned with
responsibility and accountability.
The father, the husband, is responsible for his wife and his children,
for their welfare, security and for their needs. He is to provide, protect and
lead to the best of his ability and for the glory of God. This role is one that
needs to be respected by the family, by the children and the wife. If the man leads
in a gracious, gentle, loving and godly manner, then there should be no
difficulty in the wife and children submitting to his role.
It may happen that a child within the family, or the wife makes a vow,
a promise to do, perform, pay or provide something. However, what is being
emphasised is that the husband, the father should be a part of that decision
making process. Why? Is it because a woman, or a child is not capable of making
such decisions? No, not at all! Again this has nothing to do with equality,
superiority, intelligence or ability, in fact none of these are being called
into question. What is being taught is that ultimately the husband and father
is responsible and accountable, thus if his wife or child makes a promise, a
vow, then it must be made good. It could be that money, or sacrifices are being
promised, although the motivation and reasons may be God-honouring and right,
the husband, the father may know that it is beyond the ability of their family
to make such a commitment. Should the promise, the vow be enforced, then
ultimately it is the husband, the father that will have to honour that vow,
paying for it, or providing for it. The stability, security and wellbeing of
the family is to be upheld and not destroyed or brought into compromise because
of an over-zealous vow.
The objection arises, what is there to stop the husband, the father
from just trying to enforce his way, saying no to whatever he doesn’t want, or
to suddenly change his mind, or do as he pleases? The answer is found in the
last few verses, Numbers 30:13-15,
“Any vow and any binding oath to afflict herself, her husband may establish, or
her husband may make void. (14) But if her husband says nothing to her from
day to day, then he establishes all her vows or all her pledges that are upon
her. He has established them, because he said nothing to her on the day that he
heard of them. (15) But if he makes them null and void after he
has heard of them, then he shall bear her iniquity.”
The husband, the father, is not able to do as he pleases, rather he is
to do that which is right and honourable, that which is pleasing to God. He
cannot suddenly change his mind, or domineer and have his way. Why, what is to
stop him? The husband, the father is accountable before God for how he leads,
guides, provides and protects his family. Should he fail to do this in a
God-honouring manner, then God will deal with him accordingly and will not
punish the wife, or the children, for the husband’s, the father’s sinful or
selfish behaviour in this regard.
What lies at the heart of this chapter is the issue of truthfulness
and the protection of the marriage and the family unit. We must be true to our
words, but we should not make promises or vows that are beyond our ability to
keep. Thus, protection against this is provided and the ultimate responsibility
falls on the husband, the father. Who, in turn, is accountable to God for how
he responds to the vows and promises made by those in his family.
The application for us, is that there are times when we make choices,
promises, or commitments without considering our family, or if they are within
our family’s ability to fulfil. Numerous families and marriages have been torn
apart and destroyed because promises have been made by one person, with no
regard, or without consulting the other. There are also occasions when we may
make promises for the wrong reasons, promises or choices that are not
God-honouring. There is also the constant battle for us to speak the truth, to
let our yes be yes and our no be no. God, in His wisdom, has created both the
bond of marriage and the family unit. Part of our roles within marriage and the
family is to ensure that we are true to what we say and promise and to help
each other be true, or to challenge each other when we might be making promises
we can’t keep, or will bring the family into compromise. We should not see this
as a negative thing, but rather as positive, for the upholding of the truth and
the protection and honour of the family, as well as the honour of God, is what
lies at the heart of this chapter and this principle.
Lord God, You are Truth, every word You
speak is pure truth and is always proved true. All of Your promises are
certain, and You are a God who never lies. Yet we are so often false with our
words, making promises we have no intention of keeping, making commitments that
come at great cost to those closest to us. Help us to prize the truth, to love
the truth and to be true to what we say. Help us to prize our marriages and our
families, to love our spouses and children and to do that which will only
strengthen and protect them. Keep us from speaking foolishly, or making rash
promises. May our yes, be yes and our no, be no. Amen.
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